Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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