His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
