11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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