my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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