I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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