i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We talked him into tasing himself.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
