My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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