I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
