I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
