I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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