zippers are such a cool invention
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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