Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
