How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
