The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
