He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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