your thong is hanging out like whoa
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
