ya dads aren't the best wingmen
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
