My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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