I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
