Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
