remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
