I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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