She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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