Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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