All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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