Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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