you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
