i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize