called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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