im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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