69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
