If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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