I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
