You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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