I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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