how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
