Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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