You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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