And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Bring me that man meat
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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