Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Randomize
