Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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