so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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