ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
