he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
