ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
