discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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