im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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