I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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