you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Come share oat with me in your robe
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
