but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
