why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
