DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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