i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
