Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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