Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
