Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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