Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I need to sanitize my soul.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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