K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
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He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
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Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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