So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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