some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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