Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
