I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize