Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
it's not cheating when I paid for it
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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