I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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