you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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