it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
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