No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
