bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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