is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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