i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
