oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
