why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
