laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
