i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
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sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
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It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize