All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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